Don’t Really Want The Job? Put This On Your Resume

Friday, 29. June 2012


Writing the perfect resume can be a stressful endeavour, especially when you really want the position you are applying for. Many people feel that they may lack the essential skills or education that the job requires and feel pressured into exaggerating their resumes to the point of out-right lying.

This is a sure-fire way to get you fired, or in case of Yahoo Inc’s ex CEO Scott Thompson, force you to hand in your resignation.

If you are feeling the pressure, a professional resume writer can help craft the perfect resume for you using the skills and education you actually posses. There is no need to lie to get a job, because as the old adage goes, Cheater’s never prosper. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but eventually you will be found out.

However, if you don’t really want the job to begin with, these examples are the perfect addition to a resume that won’t get you the job, or even the interview:

1) List All The Jobs That You Have Ever Had
Sure, you’re applying for the IT position at a big fortune 500 company but that doesn’t mean the hiring manager won’t be interested in reading about your paperboy gig you had when you were 10 year old. Might as well put in that stint you did at McDonald’s when you were in highschool too.

2) List Your Faith
Most places it is illegal for a company to demand such things as race, creed, religion and martial status on the application. It’s certainly illegal for them to discriminate based on those factors, but this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. So if you don’t really want the job anyway list how much of a devote follower you are to your religion on your resume.

3) Attach A(n) (unflattering) Picture To Your Resume
This is a great way to not be considered for the interview, especially if you are an older applicant applying for a typically younger position. Employers can’t discriminate based on age, but it still happens. Don’t really want the job anyway, give them a good enough reason and attach one of those embarrassing Facebook party pictures of yourself. You know the one, where you’re half naked drunkenly dancing on the table.

4) Ad Speling Misteaks
Profreed your resume and ad in as many speling misteaks as possible. Not too many though, you want it to look authentic.

5) Use A Generic Resume Template
Applying for multiple positions in varying fields? Why not use the same generic resume for each one? No need to customize the resume for each application, and certainly don’t bother reading the job description. Just use the one-size-fits-all resume and you’ll do fine… at not getting the job.

These are five great examples of what to include on your resume if you don’t really want the job anyway. However, if you really are looking to land a job, check out our Top 10 HR Secrets That Will Help You To Get Hired post.

Resumes Through The Ages… And Beyond

Wednesday, 20. June 2012


Many think the resume is a modern invention, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. From the dawn of time man has had to struggle with the act of crafting the perfect resume in order to get their foot in the door, or cave, or castle.

Here’s a quick look at the evolution of the resume:

Prehistoric Resume (38,000 BC)

The very first resumes where carefully painted on walls of caves, some 40,000 years ago. Their longevity aside, cave painting resumes made it very difficult to apply for a job, as the prospective employer had to come to your home (cave) to take a look at your application. Talk about stressful. If your cavewoman was too busy gathering food and didn’t have time to sweep the hearth, your slovenly ways could very well get you dismissed for the job. This job applicant seems to only have one skill set, hunting.

Egyptian Resume (3200 BC)

Some 35,000 years later the Egyptian’s perfected the portable resume, making it much easier for the unemployed to apply for jobs. Unfortunately a lot of the menial work, such as pyramid building, was already spoken for, making the job market extremely completive. I bet you the early Egyptian’s could really have benefited from the guidance of a professional resume writer.

Indian Resume (3000 BC)

India also developed its own form of pictographs and portable resumes. However the job market was similar to Egypt in the way that all the labour intensive jobs were already fulfilled. In order to find some gainful employment one had to have a skill set they could market, as is obvious in the resume above – pizza maker.

Chinese Resume (1200 BC)

One of the oldest cultures in the world, China, developed their own alphabet around 1200 BC, which was quickly adopted by those looking to impress their prospective employers with a beautifully handwritten resume.

Mesoamerican Resume (900 BC)

One of the oldest samples of Mesoamerican writing was found to be from 900 BC. The garbage that was found near it made it easy to date. Obviously this job applicant’s resume was tossed in the circular filing cabinet. We’re not sure what he was applying for, possibly an ice-cream salesman, but we do know one thing, if your resume format is not easy to follow, most hiring managers will not give it more than a cursory glance.

Greek Resume (800 BC)

In the late 90s and early 2000s there was a big trend on sending a custom resumes, such as those in the form of a giant cookie or some other sort of creative medium. This was not a unique idea by any means. As in many cases, history repeats itself and the first creative use of a resume medium can be seen in the one submitted above, clearly for an assistant-vintner position. He may have been ahead of his time by a few thousand years, but I’m sure he still got the job.

Roman Resume (700 BC)

The Latin alphabet is reportedly based on the Greek’s, so approximately 100 years later the Roman’s too were in the resume game. This lightweight paper design can be thought of as the precursor to the modern day paper resume.

Medieval Resume (900 AD)

In between slaying pagans and heretics medieval knights could find themselves out of a job, so they too had to go through the laborious task of handwriting their own professional resumes.

Renaissance Resume (1492 AD)

There is an internet fallacy that the first resume ever invented was in 1492 by none other then the Renaissance man himself, Leonardo da Vinci. Although this fact may be true, one can never completely trust everything they read on the internet.

20th Century Resumes

By the time the 1900s rolled around resumes started to become a common practice for applying for employment. In the 30s they were very informal, just a few lines hastily scratched down on a piece of scrap paper. By the 40s they evolved to include such statistics as age, weight, height, marital status and religion – pretty much everything that is now illegal to ask for.

The 50s saw the evolution of the formal resume, where it became a requirement for a job application. The 60s began to include such details as unrelated interests, such as long walks on the beach and candle light dinners. The 70s brought in professional resume creation with digital typesetting and word processors. By the 80s applicants rarely mailed or hand-delivered their resumes anymore, it was all about the fax machine.

Finally we reach the 90s and the birth of the internet. Email quickly replaces the fax machine, however the resume structure remains relatively unchanged since the 1950s.

21st century Resumes

The formal resume style that was successful in the 20th century has now evolved to include the technology of the day. Digital, interactive, and social media crafted resumes, which includes such technologies as video resumes, have begun to become the norm. Just take a look at the awesome example above.

The Future Of Resumes

I think George Lucas called it in the first Stars Wars movie; resumes will transcend digital media and be in the form of holograph projections. Please note, to be successful with your future resume we recommend it should never be as needy as Princess Leia’s… it comes off as kinda desperate.

Humor: A Great Way To Break The Ice, Just Don’t Add It To Your Cover Letter

Thursday, 7. June 2012


They say laughter is the best medicine, and I know when I am feeling down or a bit stressed at work, a little bit of humor can go a long way to help break the tension. Furthermore it is a great way to break the ice when interacting with people for the first time, whether they are mutual friends in your social circle, strangers on an elevator, or even new co-workers.

According to a recent workplace and hiring trends research report released by Robert Half International, one of the world’s largest specialized staffing firms, 79% of all hiring managers say that an prospective employee’s sense of humor is an important personality trait taken into consideration when deciding if the applicant will fit well into the company’s corporate culture.

While your sense of humor is taken into consideration, this is by no means an open invention to let loose with raunchy one-liners during the interview. You will still need to remain professional even while showing that you posses a sense of humor.

Remaining professional is especially important when it comes to your professionally written resume and cover letter. Many times attempts at being witty do not translate that well on paper.

Here are a few samples of attempts at humorous cover letters that failed:

#1 – Roanald

You may have already heard about Roanald and is epic cover letter that he sent to Aviary.com. He’s the s#@t in case you didn’t know. Although the Aviary blog says his was successfully hired, don’t believe the hype, Roanald’s attempt at using a humorous cover letter to successfully land a job failed.

#2 – David

David responded to Open Source Staffing’s job listing for a contract-to-hire API engineer. Since he’s awesome and is trained in MMA he didn’t feel the need to be professional. In the end, although good for a laugh, David’s attempt at a humorous cover letter was a fail.

#3 – Name Removed To Protect The Foolish

Unfortunately, sometimes the humor is unintentional, as can be seen by one New York University applicant’s cover letter. Although the applicant may have thought of his cover letter as a serious approach to landing a coveted summer analyst position, the unintentional humor failed at getting him an interview. It did however give quite a few Wall Street brokers a good laugh.

44% Of Employees “Unsatisfied”

Wednesday, 30. May 2012


According to a recent article at Forbes.com, 44% of employees are unsatisfied with their current jobs. As Susan Adams writes in her article, “New Survey: Majority of Employees Dissatisfied”, even while unhappy, many employees feel stuck, afraid to make a career change, due largely to the current job economy.

Most articles you will read about professionally written resumes will focus on how to get a potential employer’s attention. Very few give tips on making sure the right employer pays attention…and the wrong ones don’t.

For instance, many people say that I am a team player. But really, that is just a code word for loyalty. Not everyone plays well in a team and not every workplace is good for team players. Some people work better on their own, and some workplaces leave employees to work on their own. Some individual bosses like to micromanage, while others like to give direction and kick you out of the nest.

In order to find a work environment that will make you happy you need to be upfront, honest, and specific about your preferred working style. Many new hires have the tendency to try to be the type of worker that they think the employer is looking for, even if they know it will not make them happy in the long run.

Catering your perceived working style and preferences to a new employer will not help you to attract the right kind of employers, the ones you would actually enjoy working for.

By not being upfront about your work environment preferences you will likely become one of the 44% – dissatisfied with the one thing you spend the most waking hours doing, your job.

Billboard Cover Letter: When A Resume Is Just Not Enough

Wednesday, 9. May 2012


Let’s face it, with the ever-present recession and slowed economy, finding a job is tough. So how do you stand out from the crowd? A professionally written resume is a good start, but what happens when a resume is just not enough? Well it’s time to get a little creative.

Take these job seekers for example. Tifani and David have gone above and beyond to get noticed with their billboard, which was placed off of Hwy 80 in Sacramento, CA:

Tifani Goldsmith, a Sacramento native, states that the billboard idea originally came from David, when they both agreed that the investment to market themselves was priceless.

A billboard can be a very creative way to get the word out that you are looking for work when a resume is not enough. Think of it as a unique, if not very expensive, cover letter. But as Tifani pointed out, it can be well worth the investment, especially if it only takes a month instead of four months to land a job.

Since both Tifani and David’s websites are no longer active we can only hope that their investment paid off.

Pasha Stocking was also ‘unemployed and seeking employment’:

After being unemployed for over 10 months, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She created a website and rented a 14×48 foot billboard that was located on Interstate 95 in Fairfield County, CT. Although the campaign was a media success, Pasha was unable to gain ‘suitable employment’ and decided to venture out on her own. She now runs her own Public Relations and Marketing firm called PR Bar.

Although we are unsure if Tifani and David’s investment actually paid off, Pasha’s billboard did not seem to attract the type of work that she was looking for. So what was wrong with these billboards? The features, benefits, and the unique selling propositions are all “I am unemployed”. You wouldn’t focus your cover letter or resume on your status as being unemployed. Why not put a more effective message, like “Hire Me – results driven sales manager between assignments” or “Hire Me – full-time accountant available immediately”.

Here is an example of billboard that sends the right message:

Mark Heuer rented his billboard in, what he describes as a time of “desperation as he was seeking his next career opportunity”. The beginning of the economic downturn in 2008 was hard on everyone, but instead of letting it overtake him Mark came up with a creative way to change careers with his 16×60 foot billboard that was located in Milwaukee, WI, and with the right message, he successfully made that change.