Writing the perfect resume can be a stressful endeavour, especially when you really want the position you are applying for. Many people feel that they may lack the essential skills or education that the job requires and feel pressured into exaggerating their resumes to the point of out-right lying.

This is a sure-fire way to get you fired, or in case of Yahoo Inc’s ex CEO Scott Thompson, force you to hand in your resignation.

If you are feeling the pressure, a professional resume writer can help craft the perfect resume for you using the skills and education you actually posses. There is no need to lie to get a job, because as the old adage goes, Cheater’s never prosper. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but eventually you will be found out.

However, if you don’t really want the job to begin with, these examples are the perfect addition to a resume that won’t get you the job, or even the interview:

1) List All The Jobs That You Have Ever Had
Sure, you’re applying for the IT position at a big fortune 500 company but that doesn’t mean the hiring manager won’t be interested in reading about your paperboy gig you had when you were 10 year old. Might as well put in that stint you did at McDonald’s when you were in highschool too.

2) List Your Faith
Most places it is illegal for a company to demand such things as race, creed, religion and martial status on the application. It’s certainly illegal for them to discriminate based on those factors, but this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. So if you don’t really want the job anyway list how much of a devote follower you are to your religion on your resume.

3) Attach A(n) (unflattering) Picture To Your Resume
This is a great way to not be considered for the interview, especially if you are an older applicant applying for a typically younger position. Employers can’t discriminate based on age, but it still happens. Don’t really want the job anyway, give them a good enough reason and attach one of those embarrassing Facebook party pictures of yourself. You know the one, where you’re half naked drunkenly dancing on the table.

4) Ad Speling Misteaks
Profreed your resume and ad in as many speling misteaks as possible. Not too many though, you want it to look authentic.

5) Use A Generic Resume Template
Applying for multiple positions in varying fields? Why not use the same generic resume for each one? No need to customize the resume for each application, and certainly don’t bother reading the job description. Just use the one-size-fits-all resume and you’ll do fine… at not getting the job.

These are five great examples of what to include on your resume if you don’t really want the job anyway. However, if you really are looking to land a job, check out our Top 10 HR Secrets That Will Help You To Get Hired post.

According to a recent article at Forbes.com, 44% of employees are unsatisfied with their current jobs. As Susan Adams writes in her article, “New Survey: Majority of Employees Dissatisfied”, even while unhappy, many employees feel stuck, afraid to make a career change, due largely to the current job economy.

Most articles you will read about professionally written resumes will focus on how to get a potential employer’s attention. Very few give tips on making sure the right employer pays attention…and the wrong ones don’t.

For instance, many people say that I am a team player. But really, that is just a code word for loyalty. Not everyone plays well in a team and not every workplace is good for team players. Some people work better on their own, and some workplaces leave employees to work on their own. Some individual bosses like to micromanage, while others like to give direction and kick you out of the nest.

In order to find a work environment that will make you happy you need to be upfront, honest, and specific about your preferred working style. Many new hires have the tendency to try to be the type of worker that they think the employer is looking for, even if they know it will not make them happy in the long run.

Catering your perceived working style and preferences to a new employer will not help you to attract the right kind of employers, the ones you would actually enjoy working for.

By not being upfront about your work environment preferences you will likely become one of the 44% – dissatisfied with the one thing you spend the most waking hours doing, your job.

Let’s face it, with the ever-present recession and slowed economy, finding a job is tough. So how do you stand out from the crowd? A professionally written resume is a good start, but what happens when a resume is just not enough? Well it’s time to get a little creative.

Take these job seekers for example. Tifani and David have gone above and beyond to get noticed with their billboard, which was placed off of Hwy 80 in Sacramento, CA:

Tifani Goldsmith, a Sacramento native, states that the billboard idea originally came from David, when they both agreed that the investment to market themselves was priceless.

A billboard can be a very creative way to get the word out that you are looking for work when a resume is not enough. Think of it as a unique, if not very expensive, cover letter. But as Tifani pointed out, it can be well worth the investment, especially if it only takes a month instead of four months to land a job.

Since both Tifani and David’s websites are no longer active we can only hope that their investment paid off.

Pasha Stocking was also ‘unemployed and seeking employment’:

After being unemployed for over 10 months, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She created a website and rented a 14×48 foot billboard that was located on Interstate 95 in Fairfield County, CT. Although the campaign was a media success, Pasha was unable to gain ‘suitable employment’ and decided to venture out on her own. She now runs her own Public Relations and Marketing firm called PR Bar.

Although we are unsure if Tifani and David’s investment actually paid off, Pasha’s billboard did not seem to attract the type of work that she was looking for. So what was wrong with these billboards? The features, benefits, and the unique selling propositions are all “I am unemployed”. You wouldn’t focus your cover letter or resume on your status as being unemployed. Why not put a more effective message, like “Hire Me – results driven sales manager between assignments” or “Hire Me – full-time accountant available immediately”.

Here is an example of billboard that sends the right message:

Mark Heuer rented his billboard in, what he describes as a time of “desperation as he was seeking his next career opportunity”. The beginning of the economic downturn in 2008 was hard on everyone, but instead of letting it overtake him Mark came up with a creative way to change careers with his 16×60 foot billboard that was located in Milwaukee, WI, and with the right message, he successfully made that change.

Exactly one year ago Readers’ Digest posted a few HR related articles exposing how Human Resource professionals really feel about CV’s and job interviews.

Although the articles made HR professionals look a little, as one commenter put it, slimy, those HR people that were quoted in the articles made a host of valuable points, and we’ve picked the top 10 HR secrets that will help you to get hired.

#1 – Customize your professionally written resume for each application, highlighting your relevant work experience and skill set as it relates to the job you are applying for. And as HR Consultant Emma Worseldine puts it, “Never lie – you will be found out.”

#2 – Proofread your resume, whether you get it written by a professional or you’ve updated it yourself. HR consultant Marianne Wilkinson “won’t hire someone who has a ‘Batchelor’ degree”, and neither will the majority of hiring managers.

#3 – Explain periods of unemployment on your resume or leave dates off entirely, because as former HR executive and author Cynthia Shapiro points out, “We assume other people have passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.”

#4 – Use a professional email address for correspondence, because as Shirley Watt, director of a recruitment agency, explains nobody will to take you seriously with an email address like, “sexykitty@hotmail.com” or “doomsday_slayer@yahoo.com”.

#5 – Record a professional sounding voicemail message, because as Bonnie Currin, director at specialist recruitment company PAG, East London, explains, with “a voicemail that is far from acceptable for a potential employer to hear” you will likely lose out on a chance to be invited in for an interview.

#6 – Do extensive research on a company before attending an interview, because as one New York City HR professional explains, “It’s amazing when people come in for an interview and say, ‘Can you tell me about your business?’ Seriously, people, there’s an internet. Look it up.”

#7 – Practice your interview skills ahead of time, paying particular attention to your body language and your ability to make eye contact. An HR manager of an undisclosed finance corporation advices that you should never “stare out the window as you’re talking, even if the view is magnificent.”

#8 – Keep your answers simple and concise. Although the interview is your chance to wow the hiring manger, you do not want to bore them. Take HR consultant Sharlyn Lauby’s experince for example of what not to do, “One time I said to a candidate, ‘Tell me a little bit about yourself.’ An hour- and-a-half later, I was afraid to ask question No.2.”

#9 – Be flexible in your work schedule and availability. As Laurie Ruettimann, an HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, North Carolina, explains, “If we ask you to travel for your job or attend a conference, it’s not a question. Say no, and it can be career-ending.”

#10 – Prepare a list of potential questions to ask the interviewer, leaving the discussion about wages until the end. Bonnie Currin, director at specialist recruitment company PAG, East London, feels that it can be “off-putting to ask a candidate if they have any questions and the first thing they ask is ‘What’s the salary?’ Surely there are more profound questions they can think of to leave a lasting impression?”

When you are applying for a job, especially online, it is very unlikely that a human will first read your resume. In most cases, a computer program, which will search for keywords that are relevant to the job position, will first scan your resume. Those resumes that have a sufficient amount of the desired keywords will be moved to the top of the list, while those that do not will likely ever be read by a real person.

Phil Rosenberg, President of reCareered, recently discussed this the importance of keyword rich resumes in a post entitled, Why You’re Not Called When You’re The “Perfect” Candidate. Rosenberg answers the question quite simply, “It’s likely the reason you weren’t called is because one or more major criteria weren’t on your resume. And if it’s not on your resume, it doesn’t exist.”

When you submit your resume to a company ‘s application system, your resume is immediately scanned for specific criteria in the form of keywords. This is why it is so important to have a keyword rich resume that is specifically tailored for each application.

Writing a keyword rich resume is not as difficult as it sounds, especially with the help of a professional resume writer. The following guidelines will assist you with drafting a keyword rich resume, as well as what to do with it once it is complete.

#1 – Keyword Research
Before you can begin drafting your resume, you first need to do some research on the keywords the scanning software will look for. The best way to do this research is by carefully reading the job posting, paying particular attention to the keywords that are used in the job description. The scanning software will look for keywords that describe such categories as degrees, industry certifications, job titles, computer knowledge, and personality traits.

#2 – Keyword Density
Once you have an understanding on which keywords will likely be required, it is time to develop a list of variations of each of those keywords. For example, the education requirements for a particular job posting may require an MBA. In order to increase the keyword density in your resume, without sounding redundant, use the different variations, such as, master’s degree, Master of Business Administration, and MBA. The more keywords the scanning software finds, the more likely your resume will get passed on to the hiring manager.

#3 – Readability
Not only must your resume be keyword rich, so that the scanning software accepts it, but it will also have to read well. Once your resume has passed the virtual gatekeeper it will be sent off to the hiring manager. If it is packed solely with keywords and doesn’t read well, the hiring manager is likely to dismiss it.

#4 – Formatting
There are times when a hardcopy of a resume may still be required to be sent the traditional way, i.e. through the mail or fax. However, this does not mean that your resume will not be subject to the computer scanning software. Many times the hard copy is still scanned into the system so the program can look for keywords. In order to ensure that your resume is properly scanned you will want to take the following formatting guidelines into consideration:

• Font choice: Use simple recognizable font styles, such as Times New Roman, Arial, Verdana or Courier
• Font size: Keep the font size between 10 and 12 points
• Font style: Do Not use italics or underlined text
• Headings: Format all headings in bold or ALL CAPS

#5 – Posting Your Keyword Rich Resume
Once you have a keyword rich resume, whether you have written it yourself or with the help of a professional resume writer, your next step is to post your resume so that it can be passively searched. Yes, sometimes the job offers come to you. Recruiters are known to search the popular job boards using the same keyword scanning techniques that the hiring company’s application software uses. Post your keyword rich resume on all the popular job boards, on your LinkedIn profile, and even your personal blog.

A resume is your chance to make a first impression to the decision makers of the hiring company. Ensuring that your resume is not only keyword rich, but also fine-tuned to meet the specific requirements for each job posting you are applying for, will enable you to get past that first crucial barrier, the virtual gatekeeper.

A professionally crafted resume that also reads well will help you to pass the scrutiny of the hiring manager, sending you well on your way to the first interview. After that, it’s up to you.